The Post I Will Probably Delete

Tonight I did something that most teachers have done but few people have seen. 

I cried.

After I tucked my children into bed, I went into a room alone, closed the door, and cried. I wept until my eyes burned and I thought I had no more tears left. 

I knew this was coming.  Even at dinner, one of my girls asked what was wrong.

I tried to explain.
I told them I was sad because sometimes life is just really sad.
It is hard to watch a student make a terrible mistake they will pay for for the rest of their lives.
It is hard to see a student slowly give up.
It is terrible to watch a student sell themselves short because they feel like they have no options.

It is horrible to think that I might have done more.
Some kids have few friends. Sure. But what if that student felt like they had no allies?
What if I could have stepped in, spoken a word, smiled, been a comforting presence?

My children just blinked at me, quietly nodding, but not really grasping the enormity of my burden. 
So we talked about allies in a school. 
"If you had a problem, not a small problem, a big one, who would you go to?"
"You mean like bullying?
Yes, bullying. 
Or being pressured by bad friends. 
Or not feeling like you are safe. 
Or being afraid, really afraid.
Or having no food at home.
Or having no coat. 

And all of this was theoretical for them, because it is hard to grasp a situation that you aren't in.

So after I tucked them in, I cried.  Then I though that I should shed some words along with the tears. But who would I speak to?

To Parents:
I genuinely love your kids.  I laugh with them. I hurt for them. After I put my children to sleep, I sometimes lie awake worrying about yours.  

How can I be better at what I do in order to help them? Everyone needs to know that someone has their back.  How can I show your children that I am that person?

I am on your team! And yes, we are a team. I am here to help you grow your child into the best person they can be. Neither of us can do it alone. 

Teachers get a lot of badmouthing from a lot of sources--the media, parents (sorry), rumors, the government, students--and that makes us look like fools or incompetents at best and evildoers at worst. But the fact is that the very great majority of teachers are good at what they do. They care about your children. They worry about them. They struggle to do more and be better. They do the best with what they have and do whatever it takes to do more. 

I really am doing the best I can to get your children's Chromebooks to work and help them use their Google Drive. I am always working to get them access to the resources they need. I spend a lot of time thinking about how to get them the books they want and the books they need. I stay late on most days--very late many days--not because I love my office, but because I love my job. I love your children. I am honored that I get to be in their lives and help them.

And I am always trying to do more, be more, for them. 

To Students:
I am your ally. 
I have your back.
If you have a problem, you can come to me. 
If you need information on something that is difficult or scary or even terrifying, I will get you that information. 
I respect your privacy, and I value your mind. 
I want to help you.

Sometimes that means correcting you or disciplining.  If a detention can keep you from making a bad decision in the future, it is worth it. If it can help you develop responsibility and organization, and good habits, it is worth it.  
Believe me, if I didn't care, I wouldn't correct you.
  
When you feel like not a single person in school knows or cares or understands, I do. 
I care about you.
I notice when you look sad. 
I see when you are worried.
I understand when life seems too hard. 
I notice when you are missing a lot of school.  
I care about you, and I would do anything in my power to help you, protect you, and support you. 
I am your ally.

The library is a safe place.  It is a welcoming space. It is your space.  

When you need a sanctuary, when you need a place to go , when you can't breathe or your heart is breaking or your day is falling apart, the library is a safe place for you.
And I am here to help you. 
I am your ally.   

To Other Educators:
I want to be a resource for you as well as students. If there is a way I can do that better, please tell me.  
Is there a topic we need to have books or you need resources about?
Is there something I am messing up? I am tough. I can take it. 
Is someone struggling with an issue I can help with?
Are you struggling and need help?
I want to support you, because I know how hard your job is. 
We laugh together and talk together, but beyond that, we all share a deep and profound responsibility to build up the next generation. Sometimes that is fantastic. At times it is exhausting. Sometimes it wears you down to the bone. 
If there is any way I can help you in your task, please tell me. 
I don't know everything, but I will do everything in my power to get you that resource, that information, that whatever that you need.

To Anyone Else:
Being a teacher (a librarian is a teacher!) is the best job in the world. You get to help people build the foundations of their lives. 

You get to work with young people who are funny and smart and inquisitive and genuine.  If you want an honest answer, ask a kid (then brace yourself!). 

Being a teacher is a chance to help young people decide who they are and who they are not. You get to help them discover ideas and critically evaluate the beliefs and values that will shape them, their families, their communities. 
It is hard, but it is so worth it. 

Nobody becomes a teacher to ruin kids' lives. Nobody becomes a teacher to give dozens of standardized tests. No teacher likes the paperwork (most of which is redundant or useless).

If you are not an educator, student, or parent, you still have a vested interest in the schools in your community. The entire community benefits from a well educated populace. 

Find out how you can help at your school. 
Volunteer. 
Donate (time, money, talents). 
Advocate. 
Talk to your legislators.
Go to school board meetings. 
Listen to the teachers about their concerns. The teachers really are trying to help and build and educate.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I look back at my life, at those difficult moments, those crossroads when I could have made a very serious mistake or had to make a life changing decision, always, always at those crossroads were teachers.

Mr. Wooten. 
Mrs. Crabtree.
Mrs. Drebenstedt
Dr. Cook

I am not so vain as to believe that I will be on that exclusive list some of my now-students will write 30 years in the future. 

But it is important to me that today, this day, and the next, and the next, that they know I am here. 
I am here to listen and help. 
I have their backs.
And even if they don't want my help, I still worry about them and care for them. 
Yes, sometimes I even cry for them. 

But then I wipe my eyes, get ready for bed, and set my alarm so I can get up and do it all again, always with the hope that tomorrow I can make a difference.  

The Stars Look Very Different Today

Yesterday I woke up to the news that David Bowie had died. He had just turned 69 and had battled cancer for a year and a half, so his death wasn't surprising. 

But it was startling.

It was startling to me because David Bowie is one of those timeless people who reinvents himself so often that he has an aura of immortality to him.  

Whether a person likes his music or not, it is hard to discount his relevance to the arts. Music. Performance art. Movies. Television. It is hard to find an artist over the age of 20 that doesn't have a "David Bowie influenced me" moment. 

How does a person get those sorts of accolades from everyone from Madonna to Marilyn Manson to David Cameron (Prime Minister of England)? 

"David Bowie 1976" by Jean-Luc - CC BY-SA 2.0

How is anyone so diverse and so influential? 

This is a guy who could so convincingly switch from being Ziggy Stardust to Aladdin Sane to the Thin White Duke to Jareth the Goblin King.

This is also a guy who, in 1983, at the height of its influence, took MTV very publicly to task for not representing black artists. Bowie was willing to take a stand for what was right.

One does not just come up with the idea of selling the

intellectual property rights to one's future music collection by being brainless. Bowie did just that, and the Bowie Bond was born (and provided a 17% ROI).

 

So, how does this happen? How is someone a writer, musician, poet, playwright, actor, advocate, businessperson, revolutionary, visionary? 

It is in no small part due to the fact that Bowie was really, really well read. 

This is a guy who, it was said, read, at times,  a book a day. 

This is a guy who, when answering the Proust Questionnaire said things such as:

What is your idea of perfect happiness?ReadingWhat is the quality you most like in a man?The ability to return books.

At times it is easy to look at musicians and discount them as empty headed  performers. David Bowie was not this. He was a musician, yes, but he was also an intellectual of substance, and he got that way at least in part by reading. 

He was quick to talk about books and their influence on his life.  Taking a look at his 100 Top Books List is enough to give anyone a case of the vapors. 

• The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao, Junot Díaz, 2007
• A People’s History of the United States, Howard Zinn, 1980
• The Origin of Consciousness in the Breakdown of the Bicameral Mind, Julian Jaynes, 1976
• The Master and Margarita, Mikhail Bulgakov, 1967

I think one of the truly powerful lessons here is that reading can be an important part of one's life. For anyone. It isn't just teachers and librarians and Bill Gates who reads. David Bowie became who he was, at least in part, because of a lifelong habit of reading.  He became someone who created and shared and influenced.

Reading shapes us. It expands our minds and opens new worlds.  It has the power to make us different. New. Better. 

Reading may not make you the Goblin King or Ziggy Stardust. Only one person could embody both of those, and that one person was David Bowie. The world is a little less bright without him.

PHS Reads!

There are so many amazing things coming up in the next few moths, I can hardly stand it!

The first is something I have personally been thinking about for some time and just decided to start and see what happens.

Not long ago I was listening to a news story (I believe on NPR, but all of the search in the world has not helped me find it) about a school that turned around a lot of its problems through creating an intentional, institutional focus on graduation and post-high-school decisions.  From the moment freshmen walked in the door the staff--teachers, admin, custodians, coaches, everyone--encouraged talk about how classes were doing, were kids on track to graduate, and what was the plan for afterward.

I spend a lot of time in the library and around books and reading material, so I personally am immersed in such an atmosphere, but many people aren't. So the question is, how can we create a culture of reading? Teachers reading and talking about their books. Students reading and talking about what they read.  Perhaps even having people read the same things to be able to talk about it.

So we started PHS Reads!  I printed signs for all of the high school staff and they hung them by their doors.  This way, students know what teachers are reading.  They can talk about books and get ideas.  But more than that, they can know that teachers read. They read non school stuff!

When some hesitated (What if I am judged on what I read?), this was a good chance to go over the mantra; repeat after me: All reading is good reading.
Books. 
Magazines. 
Newspapers. 
Romance. Westerns. 
50 Shades of Grey or A Tale of Two Cities. 
John Grisham or Dave Eggers.
For every reader there is a book. 
Hard copy or eReader.
Audiobook. 
First time through or reading for the 50th time. 
All reading is good reading.